March 29 2007
Right now I’m so confused
What does this feeling mean?
If it’s good or bad, I cannot tell.
This feeling can’t be seen.
I’ve never known what it feels like:
The feeling of falling in love.
You showed me how it feels
And I sprouted wings like a dove.
I saw you for who you were.
Not just your amazing looks.
Your free being caught me eye
And it was my heart you took.
You didn’t know me that well at first
Unfortunately, it’s true.
But then I gained some of my courage
And wrote a poem for you.
I gave it to one of my friends:
My secret messenger was he.
Giving it to you with eagerness
And it set my wild nerves free.
I performed at school the next day,
Wondering if you knew
That the poem you received yesterday
Was written only for you.
I came to class and was surprised
That you figured it was me.
Your ridiculous smile filled me with joy
And it set my innocent soul free.
Beginning to talk to me more,
I knew I’d done something right
But a friend told me a terrible secret
And I knew I had a battle to fight.
I did not want to believe her.
I felt she told me wrong
But then she told me worse and said
That you had written her a song.
I felt my heart split in two,
My soul began to die.
I knew the battle I would not win
Would eventually take my life.
To ballet I went that day
Still thinking of what she had said.
Putting my anger and sorrow into the dance
Beginning to cry of my dread.
I came home alone, wondering
What is causing this madness?
Ate dinner, then went to bed
Still crying of my sadness.
I woke up the next morning;
The tears had dried of my face.
I searched to see if there was any hope left
But there wasn’t any sign or trace.
I went to school sad and lonely
Remembering the past
Like the time I woke to my mother screaming
The day I’d see her last.
That day I was in pain
Thinking my mother was going to die.
Not a single soul cared how I felt
And I sat all day and cried.
Or how I was abandoned by a whole team.
I was left to rot alone.
With no one to talk to or confide my secrets
They began to think I was stoned.
Some of them asked what was wrong
And I told them how I felt.
They told me I shouldn’t feel that way
Saying this, my faith began to melt.
Some sent nasty emails
Telling me I was a foolish whore.
The only thing I asked of was
If I had a friend or more.
So now I sit here
Felling this pain that I do
Slowly understanding whyI am not the right girl for you.
Now it is clear to me
That this feeling inside is bad.
I sit and cry even harder for
My feelings have reached more than just sad.
Never had I met someone
Someone who was just like me
I cared for you more than myself
Only to realize you’d left me be.
I tried my hardest for you to understand
Hoping you’d feel for me too.
But now I feel my heart breaking
As I’m giving up on you.
I wish you could understand
This feeling that I feel.
Loving you at first and then
Closing this heartbroken seal.
I can’t remember a time
When I cried as hard as now
Maybe when my uncle died
And I wondered why or how.
So hopefully you’ll understand
As you read my poem alone
If you want me, come get me now
Or I may end up like those Barbie clones.
From here on out, you stand alone
Make your choices as you wish.
Maybe from another boy
I’ll receive my very first kiss.