I never thought I would be sitting here today, telling all of you about my miscarriage. It was unexpected, painful, and absolutely terrifying. It's unfortunate how common women miscarry during early pregnancy, though, it isn't spoken about that often. I grew up in a city where Sex-Ed Teachers' main focus was to terrify us to never have sex. No, I am not kidding. I had a teacher tell my class we would go to Hell if we had sex before marriage. Since this was all they talked about, I had no idea what a miscarriage really was. Needless to say, my teachers were full of shit.
A month ago, Aunt Flo was very, very late. I was on birth control and Aunt Flo was never late. It took me a few hours to get up, go to the bathroom and pee on one of those cheap Pregnancy tests that you'd get from the dollar store. To my complete surprise, it had two lines; Positive. I panicked, I had an anxiety attack, and I was getting ready to go on a business trip for 3 days. I was seriously freaking out. Fast forward about a week later, it had happened. It was almost a blur if it were not for the things I felt.
What nobody tells you about having a miscarriage is all of the emotions you will feel, and never forget. For a hot second, I was relieved that this wasn't going to happen for us right now. Just moments after that, I was completely heart broken, and angry. I had no idea that I could feel this much about a pregnancy that I had not planned at all. I was upset that I would never get to meet the tiny person that was growing inside me. The only people that knew at the time were my best friend and my husband, and even then I felt completely alone. I was exhausted for what seemed like an entire year, from crying myself to sleep every night since it had happened. My cramps were so bad, not even extra strength Midol could make the pain subside. I left work a couple time that week from not being able to function mentally, and eventually told my family. Some were completely shocked and loving about it, and some were almost angry and upset with me. But alas, that is family and you can't make everyone happy..
A miscarriage is not something to take lightly. It flips your entire life upside down in an instant, whether the pregnancy was wanted or not. It's taken me more than a month to finally come to terms with what has happened, and move on.
I hope this is somewhat comforting to anyone out there going through this. It will get better, and life will continue. My husband and I see it as the Universe letting us know in that moment, it was not the right time to start our family. Always feel free to message me about and questions you may have, or if you just need someone to vent to about it.
This is all for now my loves.