I sit here in this car
Fear washing over me
Slowly inching towards the darkness
That I never want to see.
Pulling up to the driveway
A knot rolls in my gut
I feel they have been waiting for me
With the door I always shut.
Time slowly passes by
As I waste the night away.
The number 10 appears on the clock
And I knew it was time to play.
I always seem to be horrified
When I walked down that empty hall
My energy slowly fading as
They stood and watched me fall.
I stood at my door, petrified
Knowing what lies ahead
I feared for my life as for I
Knew I could end up dead.
I slowly took a deep breath
And reached towards my door
With a quivering hand I turned the knob
And walked into the middle of this war.
My body shook uncontrollably
As I climbed into my bed
The darkness that surrounded me now
Brought on a sense of dread.
I felt a hand grab my wrist
Pain seared throughout my arm
The cuts that I had put there
Would forever do me harm.
Another hand grabbed my thigh
It felt like I was on fire
The gashes that I had put there
Would prove that I was a liar.
I felt another hand
Grab me at the neck
I saw a flash back of my life
And I was scared outta heck.
I tried real hard to escape
But their strength is what held me down
A nightmare invaded the world I was in
And I entered a monstrous town.
Tears streamed down my face
As I felt nails pierce my skin
A hand grabbed my chest and I knew
This was a battle I couldn't win.
A fist slammed into my face
Blood spurted from my nose
A hand felt over my entire body
From my head down to my toes.
Another hand grabbed my head
And held onto it really tight
As another hand with greater force
Tried to take away my sight.
Two hands grabbed my ankle
And twisted it the wrong way
The pain was so hard for me to stand
It was so hard for me to stay.
A dozen hands slammed down on me
My body ached and bled
My heart beat began to slow as I
Tried hard not to fall out of bed.
For a few seconds, it all let up
And I lay quite still where I had
Until I heard a very strange noise
I was nothing at all but sad.
I sat up as quickly as I could
And grabbed the razor from my floor
I took a deep breath and swung my arm
And watched as my skin tore.
Blood poured from my legs
And my hand fell victim to my thoughts
My thoughts consisted of all the pain
My heart had always sought.
No one would ever care about me
No one ever will
No one would be there to see
How in the end they would kill
I seemed to lack any friends
I seemed to lack any love
I seemed to lack my existence
I seemed to push it all to shove.
People I loved I pushed away
Well I guess that deserves a cut
But what about the people I hurt
And that was a door I always shut.
Every time I cut myself
It made that pain go away
Every time the demons came
I did everything except to pray.
Night by night, this got worse
And soon I began to feel
That taking away my own life
Was the only way I could close this deal.
One night I wanted out
Out of this mess that I was in
I tied a rope around my neck
And waited for my breath to thin.
This went on three more times
Before I finally knew
What I was doing to myself
I really shouldn’t do.
Things began to come clear to me
I thought I won this war
But a few months later they came back
And I cut myself once more.
I disappeared for four weeks
Not once did they bother me
Not until the fifth week
Did I finally pay my fee.
Once again, my nightmare was met
And I tried hard not to cut
I disappeared back to my home
And left that feeling in my gut.
Its been a couple weeks since then
And now I'm at my worst
The demons have taken advantage of my pain
And it seems to quench their thirst.
My thoughts are falling to darkness
As my nightmare begins once more
Tempting to do damage again
I have seen this fate before.
What I'm doing to myself now
Is something I won’t measure
Now that I have accepted this as
My lethal guilty pleasure.