Thinking Of You

I don’t know how to start this,

My eyes are filled with tears.

I can’t believe I actually thought,

I wanted this to disappear.

I read your message a million times,

Realizing how unfair I’ve been.

I think I just don’t want to see,

My new life uncontrollably spin.

We live far away, I know this true,

And I’ve never felt this way before.

I can’t explain it as for I,

Have seen this fate before.

I think why I have done this again,

Is not because I don’t like you.

I’m just afraid that my healed heart,

Will once again be broken in two.

Most of my fear is from the past,

And I don’t know why it’s still here.

I don’t know why I chose to say,

That it’s one of my worst fears.

It kills me to know I’ve done it again,

Doing what I have done.

I feel like an idiot when I didn’t know,

That there are two sides to this gun.

I have my life, you have yours,

That I have no right to interfere with.

I’m sorry that this happened again,

And that it’s something I can’t fix.

I promise not to get in the way,

I’ve learned my lesson for sure.

Only hoping that this stupid mistake,

Will never again occur.

My feelings for you will never change,

Just know this fact is true.

Now that I’ve thought for a while,

I am not giving up on you.

Whether it ends well or not, I don’t really care,

I still want to be good friends,

Just like PBT was,

When we hoped it would never end.

I’m not mad at you in any way,

A girl protects her heart as she must.

It’s the only thing we’ve really got left,

When everything else is just…

I’m sorry it took so long to reply.

I’m sorry I was so naïve.

I’m sorry that message was sent to you,

And it’s not the way it should be.

I want you to know some last things,

Before I finally go to bed.

I will still be thinking of you,

Just as I have said.

I write this poem from the bottom of my heart,

It is yours for you to keep.

No one has ever made me write like this,

As it made my heart skip a beat.

I hope things can go back to when,

We were still the closest friends,

And maybe I’ll finally learn not,

To call myself stupid again.