There once was a time when I knew who I was
I loved everything about me.
Knowing what I wanted in life
A vision I was bound to see.
I was never melancholy, or in any way sad,
With energy I was filled to the brim.
Always happy and enjoying life, until,
I was exposed to something grim.
The thought I now held onto would warp my mind
My innocence would be shattered to bits.
No one was there to comfort the thought,
And it 'twas my heart that would be hit.
Alone and upset, there was something I never knew,
That disobeyed in the name of Jesus Christ.
The voices and sounds appeared and I knew,
That I had created a poltergeist.
The haunting continued, scared to death was I,
My faith beginning to drop.
It wasn't until a good friend was lost,
That the pain would finally stop.
Years drew on as I learned how to heal,
Maybe I was going to be okay.
But another year went by and
It was my death I would portray.
My thoughts began to worsen as my life dragged on,
With a horrible feeling in my gut.
Took a knife to my leg
And slowly began to cut.
Blood dripped from my hands as I struggled for control,
These thoughts would get worse and I knew,
If I didn't take control now then,
My life was over; it was true.
One day I knew what had to be done,
To end the pain I was in.
I took a rope to my neck and
Waited for my breath to thin.
I woke up later, my attempt had failed,
Suicide was my only hope.
The pain I felt needed to end,
Because I knew I couldn't cope.
Months passed by as I got worse,
This feeling would never end.
Took a paper and pen and began to write,
The suicide letter I would send.
I look at my friends, alone and confused,
Only two of them remain.
I knew they all abandoned me,
Looking at me with shame.
"To the two of you left, I bid you farewell,"
I wrote to them in tears.
"The only ones who stayed should know,
They way my life wasn't meant to steer."
To all who had known me, friend or foe,
The suicide letter was sent.
In a short moment I finally knew,
Those last friendships would be bent.
Once more the rope found it's way to my neck,
The pain would finally end.
It wasn't until an old friend would call,
That this hole would finally mend.
She comforted me as i waited to die,
Still standing in the place I hoped last.
I didn't know that in the future,
This memory would haunt my past.
An hour passed as I waited for death,
These thoughts still in my mind.
The rope tightened around my neck and,
It was common sense I would find.
A mistake and a slip almost took my life,
Faces flashed before my eyes.
I struggled against the dragging force,
That would take my very last sigh.
Hands gripped to the rope as I swung with fear,
Trying to control the deathly fit.
I began to drop my hands and knew,
That this was finally it.
My breath was thinning, everything got dark,
Tears were falling from my face.
The last thing I remember hearing was,
The B-Flat of a contrabass.
For a while I was still, in a heap on the floor,
The rope surrounding me.
A sound awoke my soul;
It was Yiruma's famous key.
The soft piano filled my soul,
The rhythm was the beat of my heart.
Dynamics filled me with emotion and
I was given another chance to start.
Blood was now pumping through my veins,
My tears were now no more.
Breathing only let me know,
That my neck would soon be sore.
I slowly began to lift my head,
Knowing that I was weak.
Hearing a voice through the speaker on my phone,
I carefully began to speak.
I moaned quietly, my voice was hoarse,
The voice cried out my name.
They were screaming and crying and asking me why,
I looked at myself in shame.
"I hate myself," i said to her,
"This life is not worth it all."
"It's worth every bit," she said to me,
"Your loss would cause loved ones to fall."
It was then that the thought struck my mind,
What I was doing I never knew.
That hurting myself affected everyone,
Not only just a few.
"What about that guy," she reminded me,
"The one in your 6th period class?
If you had died, I know this true,
His heart would be shattered like glass."
This thought alone was a stabbing pain,
Not like the one I used to bear.
It was worse than a thousand knives,
Or a paralyzing stare.
Curling up in a ball where I still lay,
The tears began to flow.
Through this thought I began to see,
These feelings I would show.
My heart was needing to mend,
What Eli caused me shall me no more.
It was time to let go of that once tragedy because,
I have something new to live for.
I saw his face so clear in my mind,
His smile made the pain go away.
The way he talked made me know,
That this feeling was bound to stay