Giving Up On You

Right now I’m so confused

What does this feeling mean?

If it’s good or bad, I cannot tell.

This feeling can’t be seen.

I’ve never known what it feels like:

The feeling of falling in love.

You showed me how it feels

And I sprouted wings like a dove.

I saw you for who you were.

Not just your amazing looks.

Your free being caught me eye

And it was my heart you took.

You didn’t know me that well at first

Unfortunately, it’s true.

But then I gained some of my courage

And wrote a poem for you.

I gave it to one of my friends:

My secret messenger was he.

Giving it to you with eagerness

And it set my wild nerves free.

I performed at school the next day,

Wondering if you knew

That the poem you received yesterday

Was written only for you.

I came to class and was surprised

That you figured it was me.

Your ridiculous smile filled me with joy

And it set my innocent soul free.

Beginning to talk to me more,

I knew I’d done something right

But a friend told me a terrible secret

And I knew I had a battle to fight.

I did not want to believe her.

I felt she told me wrong

But then she told me worse and said

That you had written her a song.

I felt my heart split in two,

My soul began to die.

I knew the battle I would not win

Would eventually take my life.

To ballet I went that day

Still thinking of what she had said.

Putting my anger and sorrow into the dance

Beginning to cry of my dread.

I came home alone, wondering

What is causing this madness?

Ate dinner, then went to bed

Still crying of my sadness.

I woke up the next morning;

The tears had dried of my face.

I searched to see if there was any hope left

But there wasn’t any sign or trace.

I went to school sad and lonely

Remembering the past

Like the time I woke to my mother screaming

The day I’d see her last.

That day I was in pain

Thinking my mother was going to die.

Not a single soul cared how I felt

And I sat all day and cried.

Or how I was abandoned by a whole team.

I was left to rot alone.

With no one to talk to or confide my secrets

They began to think I was stoned.

Some of them asked what was wrong

And I told them how I felt.

They told me I shouldn’t feel that way

Saying this, my faith began to melt.

Some sent nasty emails

Telling me I was a foolish whore.

The only thing I asked of was

If I had a friend or more.

So now I sit here

Felling this pain that I do

Slowly understanding why

I am not the right girl for you.

Now it is clear to me

That this feeling inside is bad.

I sit and cry even harder for

My feelings have reached more than just sad.

Never had I met someone

Someone who was just like me I cared for you more than myself

Only to realize you’d left me be.

I tried my hardest for you to understand

Hoping you’d feel for me too.

But now I feel my heart breaking

As I’m giving up on you.

I wish you could understand

This feeling that I feel.

Loving you at first and then

Closing this heartbroken seal.

I can’t remember a time

When I cried as hard as now

Maybe when my uncle died

And I wondered why or how.

So hopefully you’ll understand

As you read my poem alone

If you want me, come get me now

Or I may end up like those Barbie clones. 

From here on out, you stand alone

Make your choices as you wish.

Maybe from another boy

I’ll receive my very first kiss. ♥