My #1 Tip To Help My Son Deal with Anger and Stress
Parents, this is a hard one.
I’m in no way going to lie to you and say that my son is perfect and is fully aware of his emotions and controls them absolutely perfectly, because that would be utter bullshit.
Anger issues come from both side of the family, so my husband and I knew from the get-go that teaching our children to cope with potential anger issues had to be a top priority. As little sweet Benjamin entered the “terrible twos,” we knew we had our work cut out for us.
One of the most wonderful things about children at this age is that they experience emotion in it’s truest form, fully without question, and for the first time. Watching my son get angry for the first time was honestly hysterical, because he stood like a pole, clenched his fists and shook. I tried so hard not to laugh but I couldn’t help it!
Flash foward to newly three-year-old Benjamin, he has discovered screaming and hitting and throwing things and really doing anything he could to cope with his anger. Any tired and exhausted parent fully knows the control you have to have to not just lose your shit over 30 minutes of not-stop, blood curdling screams. I know for myself, it has been a learning experience in itself. I am very noise-reactive when my anxiety flares up, so when Ben loses it, mama tries not to.
It’s been my mission as the mother of my son to help him navigate his feelings. When he was younger we’d ask him to ‘use his words,’ so we could understand what exactly he was needing. Now, he knows the meaning and the power of the word ‘no,’ and he’s not a fan. We haven’t quite figured out that “the answer is no and that’s okay sometimes.” So then it’s blast-off to meltdown mountain, and the tantrum begins.
The one thing I have implemented for my son when he experiences anger and stress and want to start thowing and hitting has been as simple as taking a deep breath.
That’s it! I know, I sound totally crazy, but it has made the world of a difference for Benjamin. We practice with him whenever he gets even a tiny bit frustrated, take a deep breath. After a few months (because these things do take time), we caught him doing it on his own! I was so proud of him!!! We just keep practicing our deep breaths and reminding him when he gets upset to take a deep breath. Surprisingly enough, it has helped me as well in calming my anxiety when he starts to get angry and frustrated.
As of recent, we've been teaching Ben to grab a stuffed animal, give him you biggest hug or squeeze, and then take a deep breath. I've really found that grabbing a stuffy and squeezing it as tight as he can has helped with the temptation of throwing or hitting.
I wish it ended there, but toddlers are not perfect as we should not expect them to be. We still have meltdowns where we scream “I don’t need to take a deep breath!” and the chaos ensues. Again, it just takes time, practice, and a lot of patience. Any coping skills I can pass off to my children to make them better adults makes me feel like I accomplished at least something for that day. Even something as simple as remembering to breath.
If you haven’t tried this out yet, I highly encourage you to at least try. Like I said, it’s going to take time. It’s not an overnight magic trick. It takes effort, but it’s totally worth it.
Take care my lovelies!