My Breastfeeding Journey

This month is Breastfeeding Awareness Month, and why not talk about my breastfeeding journey! It was not an easy one, and ended much sooner than I expected it to.

I’ll preface by saying that my body started producing milk about a month before Benjamin was born. That being said, I was fully expecting to have no problems what so ever with breastfeeding. Boy was I wrong!

The very first latch minutes after he was born was no problem at all! He fed on both sides for about an hour and it was so sweet getting to feed him right off the bat. After we moved to the postpartum unit, it got a little bit harder. I couldn’t get him to latch deep enough, and the Lactation Consultants were a bit rude when I asked for help, almost like I should already know what to do.

We were discharged from the hospital and headed home, where things got equally as difficult. Our latching was getting better, the pain however got so much worse. I know I had a few people tell me that breastfeeding their babies was a little painful, but I did not expect the pain to be the level it ended up being. Every time Ben latched, it was like knives cutting open my skin. I bled, I scabbed, and they hurt 24/7. I would cry every time he latched, and would cry until he stopped eating. I was absolutely miserable, but I wanted to breastfeed my son so badly. I remember taking one of my hydros just so I could get through the whole night feeding Ben. It was becoming a literal nightmare.

Eventually, my husband and I sat down to talk. We both knew that I could not continue down the path I was on, especially with how much pain I was in (not counting my 3rd degree tear pain). We had received some samples of Similac baby formula, and had not touched it up until this point. He suggested that maybe for a feeding or two, Ben could have formula in a bottle to give my poor boobs a break, and give them a change to heal. I also had gotten a single breast pump on sale, so instead of missing out on a full feeding, I could pump instead. I talked with a few of my cousins as well about this, and they were all very positive when it came to switching to half breast milk and half formula. The best advice I was told was that I should also be taking care of myself while taking care of my newborn son.

So we tried it. Ben had his first bottle, and you bet I cried. Not from disappointment, but relief. I had been under so much pressure to be the sole provider of food for my son that it was doing more damage than good to my mental health. I pumped while he had his bottle, and saved that milk for one of his nighttime feeds. What I didn’t know, was how badly this would affect my milk supply. After I started pumping, my milk supply nearly dipped in half, and when I was breastfeeding Ben, he wasn’t getting nearly enough milk as he should have been. So we started supplementing with half a bottle of breast milk and half with formula, and I doubled up in my pumping times. By this point, I was almost exclusively pumping and only breastfeeding Ben in the early morning and throughout the night time. We bed shared with Ben for this purpose, and with how badly my ab muscles were affected by my pregnancy, lifting him was almost impossible from bassinet to my lap.

At some point, I called the Lactation Consultants again and made an appointment. I remember going to that appointment, and being treated like a terrible mother when I mentioned that I was pumping as well. I wish I could remember exactly what the girl at the front desk said, but I do remember leaving in tears and later calling and asking for a supervisor.

After a month or so of pumping with a singular pump, I decided to get Medela’s basic double breast pump. It felt like Christmas when it was finally delivered to our house! It definitely helped me get more milk out, having a pump that was a little more heavy duty. I continued with pumping for a while, and would breastfeed Ben on the side or if he needed extra snuggles. Once he started sleeping in his own room, we breastfed before bed and he would usually fall asleep shortly after.

I stopped breastfeeding Ben very shortly after he sprouted his first two teeth. I became a play thing more than his favorite restaurant, and the biting was too much. My son is most definitely a biter, and there was no stopping him once he would get started. So back to exclusively pumping I went and supplementing with formula. Once the pandemic hit, I slowly started pumping less and less until my breasts stopped producing milk all together. It is something I do really miss though. I miss that special bond we had, and when he needed extra comfort I was there to provide that for him.

My journey breastfeeding my son was so difficult and not what I expected at all. Now that I have some experience with breastfeeding, I’ll have a better idea come next baby (which won’t be anytime soon!).

How are you mamas holding up? How has your breastfeeding experience been? I’d love to chat down in the comments!

This is all for now!

Tootles,

~ Izzy