A Letter to My Younger Self
Hello everyone!
This post is going to be a bit different than I have done before.
2020 marks ten years since I graduated from high school. Crazy right?! It feels like it was yesterday that I walked across the stage, twirling and moon-walking in my pointe shoes as I gleefully said ‘good-bye’ to high school forever. But at the same time, it feels like it wasn’t that long ago. Thanks to COVID-19, I highly doubt that my 10-year reunion will happen, so I thought it’d be fun to write a letter to my 18-year-old self.
Dear Izzy,
Long time no see! The year is 2020, and my my has your (our) life changed! I know that everything I am about to tell you will seem like it could never happen to you and that none if it is true. I promise you, as crazy as it sounds, it all is. The next ten years of your life are not going to be easy. There are some amazing ups, but you gotta climb a lot of mountains to get to those highs. Let’s take this in sections, because I know how you like to have things organized (not haha).
So, your dancing. Other than writing, it’s your passion. You live and breathe it. After you graduate, you’ll almost quit. But don’t worry, you end up with an amazing teacher who truly believes in you and your drive. You get a change to dance back East and they chew you up and spit you back out on the side of the road. People are not going to be nice, and they’ll do whatever it takes to knock you down. It’s going to suck to hear this, but nobody will care about you. Literally nobody. That doesn’t mean you have to stop caring, because I know that’s not something you can just switch off. Just know that people you thought were your friends, some of your mentors, people you thought you could trust will let you down. Don’t worry, you get back on your feet and eventually land a job dancing semi-professionally in a small company on the West side! YOU DID IT! Despite being told to quit dancing, you freaking did it. Your time there won’t last long, but I promise you it will be SO worth it. Especially in the job you land after that.
Before I dive into anything else, I want to have a heart-to-heart with you about your mental health. It always gets worse before it gets better, and it’s going to get worse. It seemed like the end of the world when you found out that your crush didn’t like you back, or when girls on the team told you to off yourself. Or when the Principal of that big ballet company told you that you sucked at ballet and should quit. It was devastating. It was something that you felt you could never break from. But you’ve got to reach out for help. No, I’m not talking about calling your friends or dragging on about it with cryptic posts on Facebook or Tumblr. You need to talk to a therapist and a doctor about it. It’s not going to get better by letting it stew in your head, because it will literally drive you to the edge. But I promise that it gets better. It gets so much better, but you need to reach out for professional help first.
School wise, high school is where you ended it… for now. The thought has come in and out of your mind through the years, but up until recent, it’s been put on the back burner. Think about some of the other things you are passionate about…. You’ll figure it out eventually ;) You’ll stay in touch with a small handful of your friends, but as people always say, time drifted everyone apart.
You will not believe the kind of person you are in 10 years! You’ll like to wear makeup, and curl your hair, paint your nails, listen to Taylor Swift; Basically everything you were against, you will enjoy. You’ll finally figure out a sense of fashion and (spoiler) throw out those ratty old pair of gold sneakers that you duct taped just to keep wearing them. You’ll learn to let go of just about everything. People who weren’t the nicest to you, things that were said and done; You will let go of it all. You’ll learn to be a nice person, and not criticize every little thing and person around you. The confidence you’ll gain is going to blow your mind. Say ‘bye-bye’ to shy and obnoxious you. I think (and hope) you’ll be proud of the woman you blossom into.
Now finally. Your love life. The topic of which I know you are dying to know. You’ll revisit a past relationship (bad bad bad idea) and you learn a lot from it. You kind of date for a little bit, and then you fall head-over-heels for the first person to reciprocate affectionate feelings towards you. It ends quicker than it started, and you’ll rebound with another guy that is a male replica of yourself (weird, I know!). That relationship lasts a while, and you’ll think you are really happy for that while. But you figure out you aren’t happy, and it doesn’t end well. Spoiler alert, you get married and then divorced in less than two years. Bummer, I know. But it was for the best, I promise! Becaaauuuusseeee… You meet someone else! Not going to dive into too many details, but he’s a total stud, gives the best snuggles and treats you like a literal queen. The compatibility between you two will be off the charts! And guess what? You two have a kid together! I know, I know, there’s no way you meet someone who likes you enough to reproduce with you, but it happened and it’s awesome! Being a mom will suit you really well; you’ll love it I swear!
I hope I haven’t thrown you too much into shock. By the time you get to 2020, I know you’ll look back and be so proud of yourself. You’ll go through so much, and conquer so much. I don’t think you’ll be disappointed in the slightest.
Best of Luck,
Me from 2020